Here’s a followup from the last “Diaries” post. I checked my web stats, and it seems that 200 people have looked at that post. I was impressed that so many people wanted to learn about my Universal experiences. However, when I did some investigation, it seems most people got there because of the picture that I used of 14 year old girls. As it turns out, it’s one of the first things that comes up on Google images if you search for “14-year-old girls”. I guess that’s another reason to hate 14-year-old girls: pervs are searching for pictures of them, and ignoring my hilarious musings, as well as giving me false hope that anyone is actually reading this shit.

So this morning I called in sick, and the dispatcher on the phone responded, “You son of a bitch”. This is the same guy who, when I had to suddenly get off of a tram because I spent 2 minutes gagging and not being able to speak, he responded “Basically, you’re fucking me here”. Thanks a lot, buddy! Nice to feel appreciated at work. What’s great about Universal is that almost all the male tour guides speak in the same jovial announcer-y way that I myself am guilty of speaking in much of the time. So you hear phrases like “You son of a bitch!” said in an enthusiastic Pat O’Brien-esque manner, or people walking past you, muttering to themselves, “Stupidmotherfuckerpieceofshit…”, still in the tour guide voice. A room full of angry, bitter people with confident, crystal-clear voices.

But with recent workplace pressures, I’ve decided to relieve some of my workload by turning some tours over to a guy named Conrad. More about this later.